The Fence

People say we create our own limit. I just realize what my fence is... my mindset of TIME. Many bussiness opportunity approach but my reason is.. I have NO TIME.

I prefer spending time home with my son..whom I left to work fulltime work from 06.00-20.00 everyday. I only meet and talk to him only 2hrs/day more or less.

I come to the point when I wonder if the fence , the limit in MY MINDSET should be or should not be kept.

I'm approaching my 40ys and still have no business , just full time employee. No secondary income. Am I actually too clingy to my son...thinking he needs me so I can't leave him for long?

Heard of an ambitious quote : We have to Make the Time

Yeaah this is time to wonder indeed.

Bare Skin

This year revolution is manage my skincare regime. Last year, m skin was so dry and have plenty of finelines because of some hormone treatment. That treatment also really made me ..ehm..how to put it nicely.. -plumper- hahaaaaa.

So this year I switch to use a Japanese skincare - SK II- gradually. And now my regime is already using this brand. Wel.. still using some leftover facial wash from other brand though, but not too often.

This is my skin before going to bed (already put on my PM regime).  I just put on my lipbalm so pardon that oily lips hahaa... Sofar I love that skin (nasciss?). 

Well. let's see if there's other progress a year from now. 

Pict taken 5th Dec 2013 using my android smartphone

SKIN REVOLUTION

Today is a happy Monday! So happy with my new skin.

I bought Stempower essence and Cellumination essence last month. YES both of them!..Pricey ??? Yess..but the rave I've read just so intriguing..

After about 1 mth using these products, during lunch time I went to test my skin in nearby SK-II  counter.

LOVE...I mean  LOOOVEEEE the result. It says my skin is 9 yrs younger! Yipiiieee...Significant improvement from my last test when I hadn't used those essence.

My last result score was 70 and now it's 90.

FYI : Average score is 50

CINTAILAH HIDUPMU

Aku merasakan hidup ini tidak berpihak kepadaku, aku merasa orang tersakiti dan tersedih di dunia, buat apa aku hidup....

dan saat itu aku meloncat dari gedung di lantai 11, ternyata di bawah lantaiku sekejap kulihat...

Pasangan yang kutahu saling mencintai di lantai 10 sedang bertengkar dan saling memukul.

Dan Kulihat Peter yang biasanya kuat dan tabah sedang menangis tersedu di lt.9

Di lt.8 Winda memergoki tunangannya sedang bercinta dengan sahabatnya.

Di lt.7 Novi sedang minum obat anti depresi.

Di lt.6 Arul yang pengangguran terus membeli 7 koran untuk mencari lowongan kerja tiap hari

Di lt.5 Pak Budi yang sangat dihormati publik sedang mencoba baju dalam istrinya yang feminis,

di lt.4 Rosa bertengkar lagi dengan pacarnya.

Di lt.3 Kakek Sunarto sedang mengharapkan seseorang datang mengunjunginya

Di lt.2 Ibu Lily sedang memandangi foto suaminya yang sudah meninggal 6 bulan lalu

Sebelum aku melompat dari gedung, kupikir aku orang yang paling malang sedunia

Sekarang aku sadar bahwa setiap orang punya masalah dan kekuatirannya sendiri

Setelah kulihat semuanya itu, aku tersadar bahwa ternyata keadaanku sebenarnya tidak begitu buruk

Semua orang yang kulihat tadi sekarang sedang melihat aku…
Kurasa setelah mereka melihatku sekarang, mungkin mereka merasa bahwa situasi mereka sama sekali tidak buruk.

Saudara terkasih dalam Kristus, bersyukurlah atas dirimu apa adanya… karena bila kamu membandingkan dengan orang lain, kamu akan “terkejut” dengan rahasia hidup mereka”

Dan..

Cintailah dirimu, walaupun seberapa berat masalah yang menimpamu. Kamu tetaplah berharga di mata-Nya. dan Kamu bisa menjadi alat yang dipakai-Nya, untuk memberikan manfaat bagi umat manusia. Kamu bisa menjadi sumber inspirasi bagi mereka yang membutuhkannya.

PAKU

Suatu ketika, ada seorang anak laki-laki yang bersifat pemarah. Untuk mengurangi kebiasaan marah sang anak, ayahnya memberikan sekantong paku dan mengatakan pada anak itu untuk memakukan sebuah paku di pagar belakang setiap kali dia marah.

Hari pertama anak itu telah memakukan 48 paku ke pagar setiap kali dia marah. Lalu secara bertahap jumlah itu berkurang. Dia mendapati bahwa ternyata lebih mudah menahan amarahnya daripada memakukan paku ke pagar.

Akhirnya tibalah hari dimana anak tersebut merasa sama sekali bisa mengendalikan amarahnya dan tidak cepat kehilangan kesabarannya. Dia memberitahukan hal ini kepada ayahnya, yang kemudian mengusulkan agar dia mencabut satu paku untuk setiap hari dimana dia tidak marah.

Hari-hari berlalu dan anak laki-laki itu akhirnya memberitahu ayahnya bahwa semua paku telah tercabut olehnya. Lalu sang ayah menuntun anaknya ke pagar. "Hmm, kamu telah berhasil dengan baik anakku, tapi, lihatlah lubang-lubang di pagar ini. Pagar ini tidak akan pernah bisa sama seperti sebelumnya. Ketika kamu mengatakan sesuatu dalam kemarahan, kata-katamu meninggalkan bekas seperti lubang ini di hati orang lain. Tidak peduli beberapa kali kamu minta maaf, luka itu akan tetap ada dan luka karena kata-kata adalah sama buruknya dengan luka fisik."

Berhati-hatilah dalam berkata-kata. Sebelum mengeluarkan suatu perkataan, cobalah kembalikan perkataan tersebut untuk dirimu sendiri. Apakah aku akan sakit hati jika aku dikatakan seperti itu?

Me too....

Waiting for the turning point...swallowing too much..begin to choke

CERITA SITAR

CERITA SITAR

Alkisah, hiduplah seorang yang baik hati yang sedang berada di dalam pencariaannya menuju kebahagiaan, mencari jalan menuju kebenaran. Pada suatu hari, dia pergi mencari seorang tua yang bijaksana, yang diyakininya dapat menunjukkan jalan kepadanya untuk mencapai tujuan tersebut.

Orang tua yang bijaksana itu menerima kedatangannya dengan hangat. Ketika itu dia sedang duduk di muka pintu tendanya. Sambil menjamu tamunya dengan segelas teh hangat rasa menthol, orang tua itu menjelaskan rahasia menuju kebahagiaan dan kebenaran.

"Itu merupakan perjalanan yang jauh," kata orang tua itu, "tapi kamu pasti dapat menemukannya. Kamu harus mendatangi sebuah desa yang akan saya jelaskan nanti, disana rahasia itu akan kamu temukan. "Memang itu perjalanan yang jauh. Si pencari melewati banyak lembah dan menyeberangi banyak sungai. Pada akhirnya dia sampai juga di desa itu. Katanya dalam hati, "Ini tempatnya. Pasti ini tempatnya".

Dia yakin bahwa ini tempatnya. Dia menemukan tiga toko kecil. Ketika dia masuk ke dalam toko-toko tersebut si pencari sangat kecewa. Di toko yang pertama, dia hanya menemukan gulungan kabel. Di toko kedua dia menemukan tak lebih dari beberapa keping kayu. Dan di toko ketiga, hanya ada beberapa besi yang bentuknya tidak beraturan.

Lebih dari putus asa, dia meninggalkan desa itu dan menemukan tempat istirahat malam itu. Sebuah daerah terbuka yang tidak terlalu jauh dari desa. Ketika malam tiba, bulan purnama menyinari tempat itu dengan cahayanya yang lembut. Sesaat sebelum dia tertidur, terdengarlah olehnya suara indah berasal dari desa. Alat musik apakah yang sanggup melahirkan sebuah harmoni yang sempurna. Segera dia berdiri dan berjalan menuju dimana kemungkinan si musisi berada. Dia terpukau ketika menemukan bahwa suara indah itu berasal dari sebuah sitar. Sitar yang sederhana yang terbuat dari kawat, kayu dan kepingan besi yang dia remehkan sebelumnya. Saat itu juga dia menyadari dan mengerti bahwa kebahagiaan adalah gabungan dari hal-hal yang telah ada di dalam diri kita selama ini. Selamat Weekend .

Skin Journey

After a set of hormone therapy  (reduce estrogen to treat my adenomyosis) my skin got dry and dull, make up didn’t  stick well to my face . Be carefull if a doctor told you to have an estrogen control /reduction therapy. Less estrogen will bring negative impact to skin and we gain  weight more easily (I put on about 3kg).

My dryness was specially around cheek , forehead, eyes area. A light smile will already expose those fine lines and creepy under eyes, and crowfeet.  I was so panicked and decided to overhaul my existing skincare (Korean brand). After some review and comparing, I was tempted to try this often praised brand SKII. Started with FTE and CL (am pm).

I experienced on and off light purging in the first 3 month, a skinrash like in my cheeks. But hell..I spent so much money, so I continued using it. While the purging was off, I add new range. First lifting emulsion (am pm) and then repair C (pm). I also experienced darker and more dull skin due to using too much CL. I used to exfoliate with AHA based product twice/month, so my skin basically is familiar with AHA.  Therefore I didn’t drop CL , but only stop using it for AM .

After counter consultation , I bought home wscl and wsdb for AM, to help improve my darkening skin.  Still do not use repair c for morning coz I was afraid over moisturized will bring shiny look, my T zone was still oilier and tend to overshine.  Therefore AM: wscl+wsdb+sunblock.

After about a month, I’m sure this wsdb is not moist enough (may be whitening series is less suitable for dry skin). Considering it’s price , what a waste if I stop using this :D ..so I brought repair c in the am regime , just before wsdb. About 2 months later, my friend did say my skin is whiter , fresher.

Since I ‘ve decided to discontinue using whitening series , I sometime switch to cellum series ( sample size 15gr+2 bottle cellum ess 7ml ) in the morning, to see if my skin can accept this series. Yes, my skin like cellum series better.

I also converted to stempower cream (SC) and ss eye cream for pm regime. (PM : CL+rep C+SC+ss eye). Smiling fine lines , creepy eyes, crow feet does significantly reduced. What intrigued me was those finelines on top of my forehead (already rubbing rep c + SC in that area).

After stempo essence (SE) is launched, I bought some sample sachet and use it at night to replace repair c. Waking up with this SE , my skin looks plumper and more glowing. Yes, I must have this product! After 1  wk , I also found that my top forehead finelines less visible..so happy…saying goddbye to repair c :D. So my skin now is far much better than last year,plumper, less fine lines and brighter.

My best friend compliment my skin condition , she said though I’ve heavy family problem , my skin doesn’t show it. “Usually if we’re stressed, our skin will feel it and show it”, she said. Well ..thanks to skii, I don’t add more wrinkles though this family issues still going on :D

PS: I’m almost 40

since using SKII, I no longer get facial treatment. Comedo is easily comes out with light squeeze.

Astalift Light Analyzing Foundation

As mentioned in earlier blog, I love my Max Factor Facefinity allday Flawless Foundation...already in my 2nd bottle. I'm a morning person , so I will put on my foundation at around 5.30 (thanks to Jakarta traffic jam.). I will do first blot at around 9.00 during make up check. Second blot usually during touch up after lunch time, sometimes (not everyday) I find my face a little dull.

Usually the stress in my journey to work, make my first blot more oily than lunch time blot (fully working in air contioned room) but both only require 1 blotting paper.

Last week I was so tempted with this Astalift Light Analyzing Foundation due to it's ability to control luminousity and bla..bla..bla....Long story short==> Astalift Foundation in Medium Ochre 10 arrived last week.

Astalift texture is a bit thick compared to MF Facefinity. How do I use my foundation? I found it better to warm up my foundie in my palm and then spread gently to my face upward. For more even spread, sometimes I use stippling brush..but often it's already spread evenly using my palm and finger.
I find that Astalift spreadability is not as wide as tha MF Facefinity.

Astalift colour option is not difficult to find. I have yellowtone skin.. so this Medium ochre 10 suits me well. At first it's a little white but so does the MF facefinity. Both of them just takes little time to match my skintone...then I proceed with my SK II loose powder.

So early after application,  both foundie is fine. Difference is found during mid day.. I find this Astalift gives more luminousity , more fresh (less dull). Will continue using it continuously hope it suit my skin...

Sorry : I don't have time yet to take pict.. but will post pict soon...

Beauty Shop

STOCK UP TIME ! after thinking back and forth..finally I decide not to lose this Metro Anniversary Event. This event offer 20% off STOREWIDE plus Rebate 20% . Its very good offer considering SK II rearely gives discount.

Well,  perfect timing! I run out of some of my skincare product anyway.

Therefore..early at Nov 17th '2013 I went to Metro Dept Store @Plaza Senayan. Very enthusiastic that I arrived while it's still closed hahaaa.... BUT there were already several women waiting before me.. woooww..very eager to participate in this Metro Anniversary sale.

After about 10 mt waiting  impatiently, the security opens the gate and those women (ehm,.. me included) walk hurriedly to Metro Dept Store. Yes mostly they go to SKII outlet too..LOL

Lately my skincare regime is still the same as I wrote earlier this year , mostly from SKII regime.

Morning : cleanser - white lotion - miracle water- repair C- WSDB -sunblock FT UV 25

Night     : cleansing gel - cleanser - clear lotion - miracle water - Repair c - Stempower cream

Recently I've decided to change my repair C into newly launched Stempower Essence. I found repair C is not moist enough for night treatment. So after Stempower essence is launched, I get 2 sachet of its sample use, it continuosly for 5 days before bed. 

Woooww.. it really makes my morning skin more plumped and ..I think it also gives translucent effect..or glowing.

Also in the morning regime, for more brighter fresh look , I wanna take out WSDB and Facial Treatment UV SPF25 , and just use Cellumination day surge UV. 

FYI, Cellumination day surge UV is 2 in 1 moisturizer and sunblock..so this the switch is to simplify my morning routine. 

Well, Metro Dept Store gave good  bargain indeed! After getting 20% off my purchase, also given rebate 20%. Successfully I brought home biggest size miracle water, Cellum mask in lotion, Cellum day surge UV, Cellum essence, Stempower essence

Now I'm still counting how will I use my rebate voucher..hmm what am I gonna buy.. hahaa...

Separuh Jiwa

Denting rindu yang menggayuti

Harapkan hangat mata dan sapa

Bagaikan biduk dambakan tepi

Tertinggal pedih dalam kecewa

Penyerahan jiwa dan hati

Pernahkah terka berujung lara

Kira bahagia merenda hari

Bergandeng tangan berbagi tawa

Hempasan badai merusak mimpi

Hantarkan senja separuh jiwa

-ST 6 Sept 2013-

Always Together

Foreseen more cross to bear
And ahead so many stairs
Faith whisper when course unkind
Soothing each old and weary spine
'You're not alone along the way..
cause with you HE always stay'

4 August'2013
-ST-

MENANTI...

Manalah bibir tergelak lepas
Jika lara merantai hati
Mencekik hingga ke ujung napas
Sapukan perih dalam sepi

Sangka pelangi di depan mata
Nyata halusinasi belaka
Berulang lagi remukkan asa
Akankah kembali sang surya

3 SEPT

KEPING

Keping kasih yang hilang
Semaikan hampa di relung hati
Bilakah ia kembali pulang

Demi Tuhan setia menanti

Walau tersengal di rumput gersang
Tuhan sertaiku dalam sepi

-3 Sept-

KE UJUNG AJAL

Andai baja susun hatiku

Mungkin tiada rasakan ini..

Kepedihan perih nan pilu

Dalam ucap bagai belati

Alirkan dalam arus sembilu

Koyakkan kembali luka hati

Pernah keliru, tidak syukuri

Harmoni indah tiada kukenal...

Kini lara jiwa tak cukup lunasi

Aah... betapa mahal seuntai sesal

Tak kira harus sampai mati

Membawa ratap ke ujung ajal

1 Sept

KEPASRAHAN

Tak letihkah kau dihakimi

Kurangkah caci di telingamu

Mengapa diam tak jua pergi

Terinjak tindas, apa dirimu?

Hati sembunyi resapi lara

Tipisnya tirai bodoh dan cinta

Lidah tercekat di untai doa

Biarlah surga yang membela

-28 Agst-

USAH CERITA

Kenapa harus cerita...
Hati penuh borok dan nanah
Simpan sendiri kau punya lara
Hentikan ucap berkeluh kesah


Sakit penyakit mengapa takutnya
Mungkinkah tak kembali ke debu tanah
Bisakah nafasmu selamanya
Arungi dunia antah berantah?

Gigit lidah dan telan air liurmu
Nikmati deru debu hidupmu
Siapa mau berbagi azabmu
Nikmati sampai habis waktumu

-27 Ags-

New Day

Bright new day to face
Bold challenges to embrace
           Hiding opportunities niche
           Get armed and blow kicks
Stride and lift every chin up
Determined to never give up

Just An Ear

Just an ear to listen...
An ear that is not mine..


To craddle my weary soul
To listen not judge
To pamper not advise
To understand not defense


Just an ear if not both...
Just an ear to listen..


- 26 Ags-

Jumput Asa

Denyut nadi ini tak lagi sama..

Tersengal retakan luka...

Namun tetap suarakan rindu...

Menggetarkan sekujur ragaku

Sejumput asa yang hampir lekang

Bilakah cinta seperti dulu

Demi iman terus kupegang

Terkulai asa dalam genggamku

-Jkt 20 Agt 2013-

Sebuah Pendakian

Kilau tahta silaukan mata

Nan indah cemerlang mahkota

Berteriak memanggil hati jiwa

Gapailah aku kau kan bahagia

Sang jiwa lemah tergoda

Singkirkan semua aral dimuka

Abaikan sanak saudara

Tanggalkan semua  etika

Sang jiwa semakin pongah

Singgasanalah sumber bahagia

Kala jari genggam mahkota

Adakah jiwa bahagia

Tiada sanak teman cerita

Hanyalah ruang kosong nan hampa

Hingga cermin diri pun tertawa

Seorang diri memeluk tahta

Adakah dirimu bahagia...

Poetry

Lately I find it's easier to express my thoughts and feeling through poems...no one can cut your thought in the middle

Some 've been posted in my FB and I think I keep it posted here.. just leaving a footprint.. that I ever existed in this crowded world

Vacuum

Long time not writing...April 2013 a busy month filled with new report request :) well more work means more blessing hahaa.. keep positive thinking. For spare time I still like to 'rearrange' quotes with nice pict and share them (at least I think it's nice).

Home is still cold...and this saying been rotating round round round my thought. 'It's hard when you're to tired to hold on.. but can't let go coz you love 'it' so much'. My heart is already shattered. In quiet night sometime I remember his unjustice, lies, temper, verbal abuse, I'm suffocated , felt big rock is pressed to my chess.

I'm trying and struggling to live my faith , forgive and love those who hurts you. And yes , I can't stop caring either..but my logic tells me to be more independent.

Now I'm still trying to let loose of those attachment, without hating -infact still love him as fellow human being- I find it uneasy , really have to be carefull balancing my heart...several time I almost slip to hatred easily. At the same time, I need to be emotionaly stable (balanced) and independent. 

I'm well aware that in the end we'll 'go home' alone, so why being too clingy to people or things too much?  As usual, easier said than done :)

TGIF everyone

May you all have nice weekend...

Moving Lynette speech

I love the series...and the last show is a must watch for me.. I'm so thrilled when Tom and Lynette get back together....also when Lynette give speech at Renee's wedding.

Here's her speech:

Your wedding is one of the best day in your life
Because that day you finally realize, "I finally have the things to be happy'
...and then you forget.

instead of waking up in the morning shouting,"somebody loves me..."
you start looking and thinking..'What do I want now? What's the next thing I need to be happy?"
so you look and look and you keep thinking you have found it ..but nothing works...
and the reason that nothing works is because ...
that hole in your heart that you're trying to fill...
is already filled...
You just forgot
====================================================

Very moving speech for me...that's the way it should be and the world would be peacefull and perfect..no divorced couple...no flirting, no other man/woman... because they realize that their heart is filled. what a wonderful world...


I post her speech here, with hope that more couple will read and realize the'thing' and benefit their relationship...

Birth Day

Birthday...one wonderful day of a year (well.. normally it should be like that). The most overlooked day for kids -besides Christmas- for they will be surrounded with gifts.Time for joy when celebrating with loving family...not to forget warm greeting from friends.

But, are there many of those celebrating his/her wonderful day ,re-think why God drop us in this world ? Why do we have to come to this world? I’m sure we’re not just victim of lust ..hahaa..not funny..sorry

Why do we end up this world? To suffer? To live a karma? To be God’s helping hand ? You decide for we are naturally gifted with conscience and ability to think.

Sadly this year is the first birthday when I think I’m living a karma ..also the first birthday when I wish my parents never met..guess there has to be ‘a first’ for everything ... but sincerely, I hope this feeling never happens to you :)

Love quest

Finding your lifetime spouse, require a quest indeed..

Time to time..in the quest, love touch your heart.. the world so bright so perfect...and then shattered and then love comes again..several cycles come and go ..come and go...

Some people are so determined to find 'a soulmate' that trully match their list..They're ready to feel the pain of letting someone go and sip the pain of broken heart.

Some people are lenience enough to adjust their 'list' , so they won't have to go much through that bitter phase of the cycle. Sometimes they even change who they are, their perspective , in expectation their quest will soon ended. In some culture, people choose this path due to family pressure..specially for the ladies. But personally , I agree more to a saying 'better single than miserable'.

It's a dilemma which one you're going to be... and for those who prefer to sacrifice who they are, their goal in life, should really be ready for future dissapointment when you find your sacrifice is taken for granted.

Marriage Challenge

I shared this on my facebook last year...and now I think to share it with you all..:)

http://www.facebook.com/notes/mirian-sianny/marriage-challenge/10151162849358602

When you're broken hearted

I like to combine picts and quotes..so there's some broken heart picts I made.

Kiddo's day

Celebrating epa 's birthday this year, we went 4 lunch at Kampung Aer Serpong. It's spacious green restaurant by the Cisadane river. Kiddos loves running here and there..

It was sunny day.. but ..lately weather swing north to south quickly...after we finish our lunch, it gets  cloudy..still perfect for children to run here and there, also the enjoy playing in fish pond. 

I love their ayam basamak , calamary , karedok, patin strawvberry. 

and in below pict, that's my boy..at about 3PM he already gets hungry again and succesfully eat 2 bowl of fried rice...OMG ..

With only Cellum pancake

Hahaa..finally I took pict of me!

Well now with before photo, just after cleansing my face..yaiikk..so pale

and here's after with only cellum pancake (+light blush on). Think I like the glow dewy look hahaaa....

Mmm...pardon the hair.... hahaaa.. I just get my hair washed and let it dry naturally. As for the staying power of cellum pancake , a little worn out on T zone due to my skin oiliness, but mostly it's still there til I clean my face.

It's been a week, I had some small white bumps on my cheeks. Good riddance, they're easily reduced by wiping with Clear Lotion.. blame it ont he hormones.. 

If the bumps continues maybe my skin can't adopt well to my new SKII UV Protection :(  Some says finding your HG sunblock is a quest too...